About Me

Hi, I'm Elmm

I use he/him pronouns and am in my early 20s. I've recently moved to DC for work and so I took on making a website as a creative outlet to spend my free time. Like I mentioned in other sections because I'm new, my code isn't the neatest or complex, let me know if you have any issues with it or what you just think of it.

Moving as changed quite a few things for me. While I love living in a city where there's a lot of free things to do and a good public transportation system (at least for American standards), there are a few things I do miss about the more rural parts of Maryland I grew up in. Ok really I just miss all the nature around me. I really enjoyed plant identification and learning about how they can be used/foraged. My house plants and hiking trips are the only outlet I have for that now. That isn't to say I haven't been adding new interests. I picked up crocheting in the gap between my graduation and getting a job. I've really grown to like it, though my wallet doesn't.

If you told me even 5 years ago I would've picked up crocheting as a hobby I would've thought you were lying. Growing up I wasn't particularly girly; I definitely fell into that not-like other girls to trans masc pipeline. I think there was a part of me that just really struggled with being seen as feminine and I didn't understand why. I'm glad that I've been able to (and still am) grow into someone who's more confident in himself to be able to not feel to align with rigid and outdated gender conformities. Still it is kinda funny how when I was younger I wouldn't touch yarn works and now that I'm a dude I love crochet.

My transition (and bisexuality) resulted in a paradigm shift, greater than merely a shift in identification could have caused. It was incredibly revealing and shifted my world views and restructured a lot of my values. It honestly saddens me that not everyone gets the chance to go through such a change (at least in perspective.) One of the greater changes has become in the way I relate to and value the communities I'm a part of. I think a lot of this was from the relationship I had with my queer community while I was at college. Besides how this was the primary time I had to gradually restructure my understanding of gender and come out, it also gave me a way to both learn what it means to have mentorship and when worked towards, the resources and stewardship it can share.

As my worldview changed as a result of my transition, so did my politics. I'd describe myself as a leftist but I hesitate to do so at times as I worry that it gets conflated with the revolutionary fantasies fueled by hatred of the elite and desire for retribution shared by a lot of other white queers rather than my own fueled by my love of community. This is the core of my values and politics; all the nuances are linked to it.

For the longest time I thought I'd go into social work or public policy, I got a degree in political science with a specialization in sociology to do so. Besides how my views on these kinds of jobs have changed, I also changed my mind on what work for me ought to look like. For pretty much my whole life I felt I needed to do something really positive as a career. I've realized my career should not be the totality of my praxis (like mutual aid and activism exist). It isn't everything but it isn't nothing. (I work in student affairs in higher edu btw).

If it wasn't clear by now, I'm a pretty reflexive person. Most of this reflection I do through writing. I actually picked up journaling again to help me process my transition and found it really helpful. (all roads lead back to my transition). Now I'm also trying to develop it as a skill, and I want to keep learning. That's mostly what the brain web is for actually. I think it also helps me develop my own ideas rather than regurgitate whatever I hear as well as engage with others' ideas on a deeper level. It's a bit tedious, but I try to make it more fun by incorporating a lot of my own interests and trying to think more critically about the media I consume.

Sooo what media do I feast on??? Lots! (Most I don't actually analyze but I'm trying to do that more)
Books: I pretty mostly read nonfiction because I miss learning about neat things like I did in college. Now I get to actually pick what I read! Trouble is I definetly suck at reading, at least for long periods of time, so I rely a lot on audiobooks (which is great because I can crochet, cook, or clean while I listen. Recently I finished Who's Afraid of Gender by Judith Butler and The Girl on the Train by Paula Hawkins.
Shows: This is a pretty mixed bag of what whether I actually try to think deeply about, my goal is for it to be about 50/50. The one's I'm especially emotionally attached areeee Bob's Burgers, Good Omens, Over the Garden Wall, Adventure Time, Our Flag Means Death, Tuca and Berdy, I saw the TV Glow, and Much of Ghibli.
Games: Tbh I mostly treat this like shows since I only have my laptop (and it is not a gaming laptop) and heavily rely on letsplays to get a good understanding of them, so I'm a bit lacking on mechanics. Also because of this I tend to prefer more story driven games. I also find that story driven games are a better for the kind of analysis I trying to get good than like tf2 or skyrim anyway. Here are some ones of notable interest: Undertale, Deltarune, Omori, Night in the Woods, and ENA Dream BBQ.
Youtube: Now I probably could've lumped this in with shows but I think that would miss a few important differences. For one there's a lot more variety. There's letsplays, vlog like discussions, animation, video essays, skits etc. Secondly, is the influence of parasocial relationships. I also tend to engage with them each a bit differently. Like I'm usually much more likely to put on a 4hr long media analysis video from one of my favorite creators than a 2hr movie that's been on my list for ages. As for how these relate to my analysis, it’s really centered in the video essays. They're my main inspiration for what kinda content I wanna make, just written and mostly for myself. However, I worry I tend to mostly focus on the ideas and conclusions that they make rather than doing the work when I analyze them. As for the people I watch(ed) a lot: FD Signifiers, PhilosophyTube, Jacob Geller, Lily Alexandre, Kat Blaque, Strange Aeons, Dan & Phil, Markiplier, and Jacksepticeye.